Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Love and Broken Hearts

It is odd.  My name is Love and yet my heart is broken so easily.  Actually that may be a little misleading.  I am not broken by men or people, although watching what is happening to the USA right now is heartbreaking.  My heart was broken twice in college, once when I found my husband's body and lately everyday by...I won't say, but I'll just say I feel broken everyday.  I am watching Francine on American Dad cry because her family broke her heart, lol.  Watching her cry makes me feel not so crazy.  Wow, I really do need animation to feel human these days.  Broken hearts feel like insanity and it is odd what can break the human heart.

Things that have NEVER broken my heart:

1. A good glass of red wine
2. A soft warm breeze
3. Music that feels like a tiger stalking
4. Jerk Chicken Pizza
5. Going the day with no bra
6. A beautiful snowstorm when I am safe at home
7. Great road trips
8. Tequila

Yes, I hate to admit it but both Derby and Christmas have broken my heart.  I guess I should feel lucky. Not everyone has a heart to break.  For now I will concentrate on what makes my heart smile.  The red wine I am drinking has gone to my head :).  The bunny ears make me feel more like my real self.  I have a Cadbury egg somewhere in my room.  Oh and there is Adult Swim with Aqua Teen Hunger Force and American Dad.  I guess the more heartbroken I become the more fantasies I enjoy.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Bad Bad Horoscope

Yes, it is February the 1st and I keep checking to see if Susan Miller's Astrologyzone is out.  It is now 10:01 pm and it still is not up yet. She says that we Capricorns will be happy with the month of February but I wonder.  It is not that I alter my life because of what a horoscope says but my mood does alter.  Let's face it certain signs, Capricorns being one of them, seem to get real "challenging horoscopes".  I am a person who wants the wind at my back not the wind in my face pushing me back!  Really good horoscopes can sometimes make you feel invincible.  Really crappy horoscopes can make you feel like you are fighting an uphill battle.  I DON'T LIKE HEARING THE BAD STUFF!  I want to know if I have any advantages going for me.  Is Venus is on my side this month? If yes, I am going to be in every picture.  Is Mercury direct? If no, screw that computer update it is going to have to wait.  I personally hate months that my horoscope focuses on home and family.  I do everything with my family already so it is like telling me you are going to have another boring month.  Not that working with my family is boring.  It most certainly isn't but I focus enough on my family, I don't need to be told to do it!!! Home, home, F the focus on home! I clean my room once in a blue moon and I decide when I do it!

So, why do I read my horoscope at all? Well, like I said I am looking for any increased advantages.  Will I be hotter? Will people actually listen to my ideas? Am I going to have an easier time losing weight? Will I be able to focus better? Will I get along better with others? Will I feel more creative? Is it a good time for me in my career? Will money like me?  If I get a negative answer to any of those things I act like my horoscope does not exist.  If I am defiant I build my own template for the month.  In fact the only thing I will take seriously from a bad horoscope is the warning of altercations.  Those days, if I can, I won't leave my room.  I have had too many horrifying experiences on that subject and it is best for me not to be around.  If the horoscope is great I admit I use it to plan the month.  It is like wearing lucky socks or underwear for me.

As of right now I am still waiting.  My sister does charts too but she is my sister.  Plus I like to compare notes between her and Susan.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Surviving An Intolerant World "The Trump Years" Rules to Live By

I just came home from a great dinner with my uncle who is also my godfather.  He wanted to check on me and see how I was doing.  We had a long conversation.  He let me speak while he listened.  He may have saved me from falling further into the "pit of despair". There is a lot going on in my own personal world that is stressful and hurtful.  Even if Hillary Clinton won the Electoral College I would still have these personal problems.  Maybe my life would be in a brighter place if Clinton or Bernie were President but...I would still be a widow.  I would still be having the same heartbreaking situations with certain people.  I acknowledge that my life, even without the United States having a moral meltdown is difficult right now.  That said, living in an America that feels it is okay to assault a woman as long as there are no witness makes my life harder.  Watching other women attack each other in defense of a sexual predator is jaw dropping!  Watching women call each other liars, gorillas, and exhibiting a form a racism not seen since the 1960's, is literally blowing my mind.  In other words I am stressed.  My uncle and I didn't discuss the outside world.  We discussed me which is great because fixing the world starts with fixing me.

I still have no idea what is going to happen in my personal life but I need to make a survival guide for dealing with, well, a world of racist wannabe pussy-grabbers.  I need to decide now what is important in this kind of world.  First of all some American citizens are going to try to be just like Trump.  I know to some of you this is well horrifying.  I don't have time to be horrified.  I am going to survive this so I just need to spin this in a positive way.  What are Trump's weakness? Women who look young and beautiful is his weakness.  Women in amazing shape is another Trump weakness.  People with more money and success than he has is not only a weakness but also a sore spot for Trump.  Women and men who give Trump hollow compliments is of course his BIGGEST WEAKNESS. (Come on you don't really think Putin likes Trump? Putin likes no one. He is ex KGB and knows how to manipulate people.  Trump likes to be told he is better than Obama so that is what Putin will do.  Putin doesn't mean it.  Putin has an endgame, complete and total world domination.  Trump being a Putin ally means the world has only China to stop Putin.)

Looking at this list I have a few advantages in the Trump world.  Of course I have many disadvantages also but one cannot build a survival plan on focusing on only what poisonous berries not to eat.  In other words I am not going to focus on why life has become harder for me.  I am going to point out my advantages.


1. I am beautiful. (This is no longer the time to be humble we're in the Trump years now.)
2. I am educated but can pass myself off as uneducated.  In other words I will be underestimated in ways that will be an advantage.
3. When I am in shape my body is disarming to both men and women.  The Trump years may be my best body years ever.  Thriving depends on looking my best now.  Don't get mad ladies I didn't vote for him but I am going to acknowledge that these days LOOKS are going to matter.  If you are looking for someone to be mad at be mad at this lady.  She voted for a world she will not survive in! Really even her defense of Trump is something that is an insult to him.

4. I come from a family of strikingly beautiful men and women so even if I drop the ball they won't!
5. Some of my family members actually know world leaders so...we cannot be disappeared as easy as others.
6. My family is really good at giving sincere compliments.
7. I know that my mind can earn me the money and power that I need to survive the next four years.
8. LAUGHTER: I will have fun laughing at all those hateful Trump supporters who are going to be shocked that I make it further in life than they do.  I know what it takes to survive and I vote my interest.  Racists and Sexists are as superficial as it gets!!! Love Trumps Hate.  Pretty can distract hate.  Trust me I know from experience, unfortunately.

There are certain things I must do.  My rules to live by if you will.  My soul depends on me being me.  I say what I feel.  I stand up for the underdog.  As superficial as I may try to be I cannot really go there, not really.  I read a lot and the only reason why I stopped watching the news was to keep my sanity.  High voltage shocks to the heart can kill.  It is best for me just to read headlines only.  I have to stay focused.  I can't get fixated on the nasty awful things that are happening in the world.  It is better that I just come up with rules to live by.  It is better that I decide what needs protecting.  It is better to build bridges.

Rules to Live By:

1. Protect my right to vote.
2. Protect others' right to vote.
3. Make sure the equality of all people is recognized not just in the USA but everywhere.
4. Everyone deserves a real and full education no matter their gender, nationality or "class".
5. Every woman has a right to her own sexual freedom!!!
6. Protection of freedom of the press is a must.
7. Free and fair elections are a must.
8. Protection of the Sovereignty of the United States of America.

I will lend my voice, my time and if possible my money to all of the above.  Living in the Trump years may look superficial but it will also be heavy in activism.  I will use every advantage I have to protect my rights and the rights of others.  I will vote even in the small elections.  I will look for local candidates to run against politicians who think it is okay to mess with LGTB rights, women's rights and human rights.  My personal life has been painful but I don't have the right to check out completely.  Too many people depend of me to make it through this.  Frankly, we progressives became a little to lax and now well, each of us need to do our part to end sexism, racism and poverty.  It happens one person at a time.  So as superficial as I may seem over the next few years never forget this is my personal survival guide.  I will beat the superficial with their own weaknesses and I won't surrender my rights.